Photograph on My Wall

Today sDSC_0270hould have been our fifth year anniversary.

This past few days aside from being bedridden by flu, I have been busy looking at my husband’s photograph hanging on the next room’s wall. God! how I almost forgot the color of his eyes. It beams as it is being struck by the sun’s morning rays. I whisper, “green gray”.

I’m surprised my tears are not falling this time. Could this be it? Could this be a sign that I have finally moved away from grief? There’s a lot of things to say to him as I continue to look at him. Things that happened to me for the past four years that he has left. My heart is dying to tell him every single bit of experiences I went through without him, as if a child who’s so excited to tell her father about her day.

As I continue to look at his picture, my mind starts to talk about reality while my heart starts to get confused. Reality is when I am looking at his photograph — right now. It is this rare moment when he is looking back at me and listening to my every story. But then, reality is when he is not physically there, he will not answer. He will only be the photograph in front of me.

I felt tears are now flowing on my cheek. While I wipe the tears with both hands, I maintained the eye contact. I have always been mesmerized by his eyes. There is something in it that made me love him more each day before. He tells me that his eyes are exclusively mine as no one has ever touched it.

He makes me want to see his soul.

As I look into it, I saw overwhelming love. Great love that has long been suppressed, can’t wait to get out. And now that he has found the mate of his soul, I realized those unexplained glow comes from a universe filled with forces of love and peace. Wishing that one day, I will be able to see it once again but on some other time.

Oh! I miss those green gray eyes looking back at me. 😞