A friend asked me once if I am happy. As I try to be perfectly honest with her I know she wouldn’t understand. I know we differ and that no word can fully explain the deeper meaning of happiness for someone like me. It’s always like this, the more I compel people to understand, the more I sounded like a defensive criminal as I myself is also in doubt.
And so I let go.
In fact I’ve asked myself this question a million times before. Am I really happy or just plainly comfortable with life as it is?
Happiness is the same as any other feelings. It comes and goes. One moment you are sad and then a circumstance comes up and you suddenly feel excited and then it fades. It is part of the daily flow of life.
Happiness for me is the balance of contentment and letting go. Contentment of what has been will be part of my past and that, it will shape who I will become and that letting go is for the hurt and pain that comes along with the memory.
As we go through the different journeys of our life, there are standards we set for ourselves in order to determine our happiness. It does not mean if you aren’t with someone at 40, you are not happy. It is just a norm that we grew up to know.
Our basis for true happiness depends on whether we have someone to lean on (meaning we are dependent on someone). How about thinking the other way, true happiness can also mean giving back to others who needs our care and love the most (well, other than our families). Inspiration came from this book – “The Giving Way to Happiness” by Jenny Santi. Going scientific here, according to her it is proven that giving or helping others releases the same healthy “do-good” chemicals as when we feel when we are romantically involved with someone.
It is what my heart tells me, but unconsciously, it is not what I want people to see. I know I am happy but it is so difficult to interpret. I try to list down the reasons why but I am in no way near everyone’s expectation of happiness. So, am I?