How do you close a promise when it has already been spoken? Heartbreaking as it may seem, one must let go of the promises made with the other because of their passing. During the last few days my husband and I were together, we had this interesting conversation. He suddenly uttered, “…when the time comes you probably have another man in your life”. I couldn’t recall what exactly we were talking about but what he said stuck in my mind. I remember answering in an innocent reply saying that he is my husband and he will be the one and only man in my life and quickly adding why he say such words. Well, the answer became obvious since four years ago.
He simply replied with his usual soft voice, “thank you”, to end the conversation. Revisiting this scene still gives me shiver.
You continue to love the person despite them being away for quite sometime without expecting their return. Without physical presence the love keeps going on. That is the mystery of love. Surprisingly, there is no pain when they leave. There is even no tear for a time. There is just the air of overwhelming, for the lack of better word, sadness and solidarity.
Promises made, promises broken. Do you betray the man you made a promise with? A question that I believe widow’s like me encounter. The feeling of guilt. While you carry the feeling of being left in the air — it is such a horrible feeling. You cannot be angry, you cannot blame them for leaving.
Do you really betray the man you made a promise with when you decided to join the world of the living? The life we had with our spouses as well as the future we planned with them will always be there. It will forever shape our paths, it affects the way we see the world. Their death is now part of our life. Choosing to live a new life with a new partner or threading a completely opposite life from the one heard by our beloved is incomparable to the promises we made with them. It is not betrayal.
Choosing to live a happier life does not mean that we will forget them. On the other hand, we are giving them a favor by not living in the past and not letting another soul be buried with sorrow and pain on earth while they continue their journey to the after life. Letting go means moving forward while keeping all the memories of the past in our hearts.
There is no betrayal as we continue to honor them for being part of our past. There is no betrayal as the promises made will still be fulfilled only on a different form, in a different situation. There may be a lot of letting go but we can never close a promise once made, they will always be kept in the most sacred room in our hearts, where the love for our spouses live on.
There is no betrayal of the promise, there is only the changing of the chapter.