A throwback version of Backstreet Boys’, 🎶…but my love is all I have to give. without you I don’t think I can live!🎶 was being played in the t.v. as I turn it on. Suddenly, a nostalgic feeling from the past came crawling in to my head. haha.

Oh, those innocent high school days! Where did it go? It has been more than a decade a young petite girl anxiously trying to figure out what life is going to be in the future. Impatiently wishing to grow up so fast that she may finally find her “knight and shining armor”.

As I hear the last few lyrics before the song ends, funny to remember the guy who I can say inspired my going to school and (ohh well!) reasons of my failing grades and all. haha. Made me a lot of use of daydreams about him and all. Ohh! o_O As the Backstreet Boys were such a major hit during that time, I used to think that he is my Nick Carter with the blonde (because probably he used artificial hair color) and neatly combed (semi-long) hair.

I giggle as I write this article as a picture of him in my mind almost makes me laugh. But during those childhood memories, he was the coolest guy ever. haha. And I was broken-hearted. My first broken heart 💔.

We were so childishly happy that we actually became a couple. Well, not seriously. But for me, I don’t want that feeling to end. It was sooo.. sooo.. feels like a grown up.

It actually is funny that when we are younger, we base our relationships on songs and its meanings. That if it made us join the bit, this should also be the guideline of our relationship. As we grow older, we realize that love (or life in general) is not at all about a simple meaning of a song.

As we grow older, we realize that there are a lot more important manuscripts that we need to know by heart. That as we grow older, we need a daily dose of it. It is the source of our strength when we feel our lowest. It is the shield that will protect us. This force is more than the power of the song that gives us chills everytime we hear it when we were wild teens.

This is our faith. Our belief of the true God and His power over the world. All of its hidden secrets are in the greatest manuscript ever told, it is the Holy Bible.

Carrying the Old Soul from the Past

when we open our eyes to greet the morning, we also open our soul to the world.
done with the tears of the night, as we start a new day.
for the dreams of the past will not be able to make its way to the future.

the past that gave color to our spirit and once made us want to look forward to the future. dreams that will forever be kept in the dark.

the point where fate made its sincerest conclusion of letting us suffer.

the past where the toughest decisions were made. decisions that once set will forever be marked in the path. No chance to turn back.

slowly removing the worries.

knowing much clearer that if the day didn’t turn out right,
the night would fall again and tomorrow will start anew.

A brand new journey in life carrying the old soul from the past.

The Perfect Description of Love

Photo Credit:

 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Reading the Bible once in a while may not seem to change my life. The irony is that, it did! Without me noticing it. Same as prayer, it gave me hope, strength, courage, faith and as the scripture goes….. it also gave me love.

The Bible wants us to distinguish “true love” from any other form of “love” such as lust, envy, greed and selfishness. The Lord wanted us to give love to others with a pure selfless act. It may not only describe the love with our partners, but also with our fellowmen and those who are oppressed, hopeless and depressed.

This is one of my most favorite writings from the Holy Bible as the Lord basically wants us to know that LOVE is what makes the world go round and that it is the greatest power of all.

This force can either stir us to good when the love is accepted and nourished selflessly but can bring us hatred when it is taken from us.

The miracle does not come until you believe in the power of this superb book.

My Subject on Longing

My life is a summary of longing. As it is with longing that i feel the importance of even the small things. It gives me the euphoric feeling of happiness at the same time keeping my sanity. It is the simplified science of two forces, push and pull. It is when we “push” that we experience a never-ending feeling of completeness, happiness or even love. It is when we let ourselves drag us in the direction of “pull” that it reminds us that the feelings we feel are only temporary.

It may be about a series of happy moments with your friends sharing unending stories and laughs not realizing it has to end at some point. At that moment, we each try to hold on but as we try harder, the stories start to get boring. And we eventually retreat and let that special moment be. We accept that it is now part of our memory.

It may also be about the relationship with our partners. We are so in love at the moment that during the whole romance you feel that you are so lucky to experience such a wonderful feeling no one ever felt. At some point, the other party needs to leave. It may either be of a new found love, sickness or death. As hard as you try sometimes to save the relationship, there is nothing more you can do but to let the other person go. You accept that it is now part of your memory.

Same as the most constant force on earth, CHANGE is the ultimate equalizer of happiness and sadness. There are moments in life that was so perfect that continuing to live in it may spoil its perfection. Moments that are meant to end when the best part is coming. Some people may attempt to rekindle this “PERFECT MOMENT” unfortunately trying their whole life to exceed it. Wasting their life in the end, living with regrets instead of cherishing the moment.

With longing, it means the end of a story, a relationship and a memorable event. The end of a sweet beginning, the end of something special. On the other hand, it also means the beginning. The start of a new chapter. The author knows when to stop writing as well as a director knows when to say “cut”.

These are the moments in life wherein we should be satisfied looking only from afar and thanking God for the experience while praying harder to give you strength to move forward armed with that perfect moment that inspires your future.

This is my subject about longing.

“If some longing goes unmet, don’t be astonished. We call that life.” Anna Freud

Planning Ahead

I used to envy people with the potential to smoothly take charge of their life. Well, they are either leaders or managers of their company anyway. They start with a goal and then step by step direct their plans in order to reach that goal. Being able to do this and distinguish the road blocks along the way is undeniably an admirable attitude towards life. Ain’t that a God-given talent or what?

When I was younger I used to plan out everything, as I wanted to be like the leaders who inspires me, from my day’s activities up to how I would like to end my week. Hey, I want to take charge of my life. I ended up feeling tired and frustrated.

Planning ahead never worked for me.

I realized, God have plans in my life to help me get to the path I am supposed to go to. I once watched this movie years ago, A Walk to Remember, and this quote has been stuck in my mind since then.

“God has a bigger plan for me than I have for myself. Like this journey never ends.” Jamie Sullivan, A Walk to Remember

Through all these years, He holds my path. So I decided (what the heck!) might as well follow where He leads. Planning has never been a good ingredient in my life but I know I still need to do something and not just wait for my fate to come by.

Then there is VISION. My mother used to say, “see yourself what you want to be at age 30 and that you will be when you’re on that age”. Only 14 or 15 years old at that time I did not take that seriously, but I made a vision. You know what, I got that vision, probably, years earlier. Although, unconsciously, I practiced to always perceive what I want to be doing in the next 10 years of my life. Although there are times I feel in doubt to reach that vision, I still hold into it and I think this is what they call FAITH. I try to hang on that, everytime.

I always have plan B or even C since plan A is already in front of me. Plan A is my PRESENT. If “present” didn’t work out, I try my best to take the next best option and tell myself that it probably wasn’t meant for me. I call it ACCEPTANCE. I get frustrated at times when the first plan never materialize but then the voice inside of me keeps on saying that there is always a better option and that, the best option was the one I’m supposed to be doing.

Sometimes what WE THINK we want differs on what WE REALLY want. We think “what we want” are the situations that will define our life, but what we forget are the hidden desires of our heart. The petition that only you and God talked about. These desires and secret dreams will materialize when we are ready, and the REAPER knows exactly when the fruit is ripe.

“The will of God is not something you add to your life. It’s a course you choose. You either line yourself up with the Son of God…or you capitulate to the principle which governs the rest of the world.”  Elisabeth Elliot

…and then I decided to follow Jesus

I decided to follow Jesus!

This Sunday’s gospel was good. But what caught my attention was when the priest started singing on his beautiful African voice, “I decided to follow Jesus”. Then it became my last song syndrome.

It was a short phrase but a pretty powerful one. It never left my mind after that sunny Sunday mass.

What does that short phrase mean, anyway, that it affected me so much? I even felt that this short phrase is a calling

Of all the things that happened in my life, it could probably mean one of the following:

  • a hello from the Lord saying that He is will always here watching over me.
  • He is talking to me telling me that my dear husband is beside Him solemnly happy hanging out with the angels.
  • a knock knock from the door saying there is another door that needs to be opened.
  • my alarm clock to wake me up reminding me that its exactly the right time to go out and show the world that I am ready!

Well, whatever that message was. I still believe that it was intended to be received by the recipient and that’s me. No matter what the message is, as I move forward in life, I will slowly find the meaning He so want to send me.

Come to think of it, there might not be a hidden message after all. How about just plainly deciding to follow Jesus with no doubt.