Weird Feelings

..and then you came into my peaceful abyss.

I was shaken.

I never thought I would feel this way again nor have I forgotten the feeling of being loved.

It feels good.

No matter how hard I try to deny, the feeling is already there.

Existing.

Sadly, what I am feeling is wrong. Whatever it is, I know this is not love.

If it is, then I wont be feeling hurt or sad or confused. It will lift my soul up. As high as the clouds could reach. Closer to the love only my soulmate could give.

Narito Muli

Narito muli ako kung san huli kitang nakita. Nagbabalik.
Hindi man maganda ang huling eksena ngunit ito ang naging daan upang piliin kong ipagpatuloy ang pagtahak sa buhay.

Narito muli ako upang alalahanin hindi ang mga malulungkot kundi ang masasayang alaala.

Nawa’y kung nasan ka man ngayon ay masaya ka na habang nakikita mo kung paano ko pilit pinagtatagumpayan ang bawat hamon sa aki’y dumaraan.

Namiss kita ng sobra mahal. Abot langit (literal!)

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I am here again where I last saw you. Returning.

The scene may not be pleasant to look back to, but this is the reason why I choose to continue the journey.

I am here again not to dwell on the sad memories but to cherish the happy ones.

I hope wherever you may be, you are happy and proud for me as you watch me how I try my very best to overcome every challenges that come my way.

I miss you a lot my love. Missing you up to the heavens, literally. Because it is the only place I know you are residing.

Shades of Love

Since I have been writing several items on the very powerful force on earth (and my favorite one) which is love, I was meaning for quite sometime now to write something about the different shades of (romantic) love. As we are all very familiar that love is not only felt once, it is repeated countless times before we find the “right one”. I have collected stories that inspired me and others shaped me on how I should view the different shades of love.

I met a guy from one of our mountain adventures a few long years ago. He is also a nature lover. A good point to look for in a man. Having the interest of taking time to see nature and at the same time take care of it only means that he knows how to take care of his girl. Unfortunately, Cupid was not looking when he started throwing arrows at me, he didn’t hit me right but this guy was love struck. Oh, the feeling of having a cup of coffee ready in the morning outside your tent, on top of a mountain, signals a start of a perfect hike to the summit. And so it did. During the whole hike I felt the admiration and to be frank, it felt good for having someone to admire you (or your beauty?) despite being all sweaty, soiled and dirty and having met you for the first time. Or maybe this is just nature talking as there are several forces inside the forest we are in, who knows, the gods are playing games with us. But hey, a little attention from men are good sometimes as long as you stay true to yourself, grounded and know your limits.

I gave love a chance, as I normally do. When in doubt, take a chance. He asked me out, I said yes. Everything was smooth. We went for a movie and had dinner. There was even the sign I asked for if he is the right guy for me. There was fireworks while a part of my mind are scrambling inside my head trying to do every telekinesis it can do to prevent the fireworks from showing, but to no avail. Would you think that he is the right one I’m destined to be with? I didn’t have a doubt, he is not. There is something lacking. There was no spark coming from me. All the electricity I’m feeling was all from him and that did not sound right.

A platonic love. One-way relationship. That is not fair for anyone who’s in their shoes. So I did what I needed to do but don’t want to do — tell him the real score between us. I don’t want to hurt him lest, I gave it a try.  He is such a sweet guy who’s just being true to his feelings. Trust me, he can give love a million times more, so I do not deserve him. He deserves someone who will return the favor and I think he found her already. That is the good karma on his way. I’m glad I remained to be his friend, well, at least on facebook.

I always believe my intuition. I believe that fate does exist and I am not fated to be with him. I also believe in karma, good or bad. And playing with feelings is a very serious crime, it will make or break someone’s life and once you do, expect for a payback soon.

This guy is wonderful and quite mysterious. The kind of James Bond mysterious or someone like that. Such a gentleman who stands quite tall with dark complexion. We used to talk countless nights on the phone. Talking about sweet nothings and even going out on vacations with friends who have no idea that something is going on between us. Well, I also am a good keeper of secrets. With the duration of phone calls and being casual when around our friends, made my feelings grow. Although at times I really can’t read his mind if he is being serious or not, it adds up to the mysteriousness which most women like.

I thought that this is it, I am already feeling something. But I have a huge problem, I don’t know how to tell him. This is the case of “he likes you before but then you are so hard to get that he found another one”. Obviously and confusingly, he found another who is more open about them being together. Or so he thought. They didn’t last long. And the last laugh was mine. How did he find time to look for other women when he was always calling me?… Hmmm.. so mysterious. He’s now in a long-term relationship with another lady.

I can’t imagine the awkwardness on how I found out of this when I am stuck with the two of them for days, luckily friends are nearby. Though they didn’t had any clue that I am as brokenhearted as a broken piece of glass.

As this phenomenon “he likes you before but then you are so hard to get that he found another one” has never been spoken again, I also am not quite sure if this has taken place, it took time for me to loosen up but we remained friends. The situation was so complicated and well-played that I learned to be more open on sharing my feelings as soon as you felt it as time  maybe running out.

He is a handsome guy. Cupid was right on time as he hits both of us with his arrow of love. Haha. It was love at first sight. Yes, it is at first meeting that we felt the complete set of sparks and connection that evening. Even sharing the same plate on the first meeting is a hint that I am head over heels, as if we have known each other for a long time. A common friend connects us, so it is not that hard to know each other since on every occasion our common friend have, we are always there, although on different groups.

I was so blinded by love that I thought that it is true love, or is it like that every time you are in a relationship? Or yah, love once felt is always true. There is no such thing as false love. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and I really believed that he is the one. He introduced me to his wonderful family one Sunday morning. I will not forget how their house was filled with relatives when we arrived. I think there was also some neighbors out there peeking at their window and doorway, who just wanted to see the now grown boy they used to know is bringing a girl home for the first time. I love his family, they are happy and lives simply.

As time moves forward, we have created a lot of happy and sad memories even recalling the first time I met his great grandmother, she was so old that she is just listening to my voice (I think she even touched my face), since she cannot see anymore. I remember the great grandmother telling him to make me wear a helmet, so I will not bump my head and wake up. Then, in turn, she said to me to take care of him. That night after I went home, she died. For me, that instance meant that there is something special in our relationship. He could probably be my soulmate.

The relationship was great. We are always in love. The spark is always there. His family loves me and I love them too. But then something is missing, we needed to separate. It can be our differences in perspective, our immaturity or once again fate. Fate needed to move in to make way for other great things.

I was heartbroken and I cried for days and months as the picture from when the last time I saw him keeps playing in my mind, our break-up scene. I felt the spark that was the only thing keeping us together is slowly losing power. I doubted the love, I felt betrayed, I felt cheated and the only person who can remove all the pain will never come back. The love at first sight that was filled with a choir of Cupids is now replaced by the clouds of storm and rain.

Thousands of reasons not to believe in love anymore, but I still do. I know that love may be so confusing and frustrating, it gave color to my once grayish life. It still is the one that gave me happiness, pleasure and magic. But he’s just not the one.

Although the people change, the love, the pain and all other emotions felt during the course of the relationship, was true. It may not be felt anymore but it was real — it was not only meant to stay FOREVER.

Serendipity, Love and Cupid

Serendipity. I’m in love with this word.

serendipity (serənˈdipədē) – life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences but rather it is a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite sublime plan.

I like to believe that I am always in love. I love LOVE. Even though I am not romantically linked to anyone right now – I love dreaming about love. Even though I have lost an overwhelming love once – I treasure the love that was created. Even though I was heart broken – I still believe in love.

I love how it makes people go crazy. I love how this unseen force separate countries and beliefs. I love how it create miracles and how it changes the world. I love how it determines someone’s happiness or sadness. I love simply how it is being said by anyone to someone. Who knows, it also saves a life.

Serendipity for me is the twin sister of Love. They work as a team with Cupid as their leader. They search for soulmates who never realize they are one. Cupid sends off his arrow and Love comes along. Serendipity is the one who glues them together. Creates coincidences and accidents so these two souls would mingle. Serendipity is the one who do the hard work among them. He sticks together with the soul mate until they find the key to each others heart.

They are a pretty busy team. When the mission is accomplished, they hunt for another pair. As love has always been in the far hidden corner of everyone’s heart, Serendipity, Love and Cupid has a lot of work to do to match each and every soul roaming the earth. Some are stubborn while some are open. Some are shy while others are impatient. Some souls run vainly around finding their right pair but without these three, they are lost. Trying to fit an imperfect set. With their service, all souls will be alright.

They might come a little late in life but please understand that with billions of souls in the world, they cannot finish just on time. Anyway, they have endless lifetime to finish, the purpose of re-incarnations and the like. Two souls will continue on even after death, to find the perfect fit.

Sometimes those we think who will never come are the best ones who will make the last chapter, the summary of our whole lifetime.

Carrying the Old Soul from the Past

when we open our eyes to greet the morning, we also open our soul to the world.
done with the tears of the night, as we start a new day.
for the dreams of the past will not be able to make its way to the future.

the past that gave color to our spirit and once made us want to look forward to the future. dreams that will forever be kept in the dark.

the point where fate made its sincerest conclusion of letting us suffer.

the past where the toughest decisions were made. decisions that once set will forever be marked in the path. No chance to turn back.

slowly removing the worries.

knowing much clearer that if the day didn’t turn out right,
the night would fall again and tomorrow will start anew.

A brand new journey in life carrying the old soul from the past.

The Promise

Jean sat by the river as she wept because of a broken promise. As her tears roll down the flowing water she heard a voice, “fulfill my promise to you in the letter. I am serious. I will be there wherever you go, so don’t be afraid to go places. See the world. Have a new life, a new job or a new hobby. I promise you I will be there if I can. You see, I was given a new task to take care of this woman weeping by the river,” said the voice.

“You may feel alone at times, don’t weep. Don’t forget my promise. Though you will have to re-do on your own what we originally planned, as long as your love for me is alive, I will be here to help you. If you only look for me in your soul,” the voice continued.

“It also makes me sad not being able to hold you when you need a hug, or kiss you when I think you look very lovely, or wipe your tears when you cry. It’s the price I have to pay for being so in love with you. My new job is to be your angel.” He contained himself but wanted to say more. Since we are soulmates, it means that our souls are one, we are not meant to be together on earth but our souls are destined to be together in Heaven. The Angel was thinking about the scripture he read that love is letting go.

The woman looked puzzled but asked a question anyway, “why did God take you away from me and only be my angel while we were so happy walking together on earth?”

Because the earth is temporary and heaven is eternal. Given our love for each other, it is heavenly. “Would you still have given yourself to me even if you know I will die soon?” The Angel asked.

Thinking deeply Jean replied, “I would prefer to have wasted time with you for a short moment and feel this overflowing love that transcends eternity than having an average and boring life without it.”

“I know I have always occupied a huge part of your heart and I was so devastated when I found out that I needed to leave. I have talked to the Big Guy, I should not worry. He said he will take care of this special lady for me as I continue my journey to heaven. Now everything is set. Everything here is about love and happiness. No suffering or pain. You will see it when your time comes, but for now, you need to be strong for me. Be happy for me so I can be totally happy to my new home,” said the Angel on a soft and comforting voice.

There might be times when you feel you are lost, don’t worry the Big Guy is in charge. He is always there for you. He knows when you feel fine. He knows when you are feeling your worst. He also knows when you are thinking of me and missing me so much.

“So now He sent me down to guide you on your journey and fulfill my promise to you.” The angel vanished.

Building My Dream

“Only I can change my life. No one else can do it for me.” Carol Burnett

I am not an expert at being successful with start-up businesses or life in general. I am also busy risking the trial and error process so I can reach mine. I am finding my life same as million others do every single day. I lost. And I learn. A lot. And I still keep on learning. A lot. Dreams are the ideas our mind creates, it is up to us how to make it to reality. It can be a desire to be promoted to a higher position, get the job in a dream company, marrying your partner, making your own family or (for the benefit of this post) setting up a business. This is what I learned so far.

Realize what you really want to do. Can you see yourself still satisfied with your business even until your retirement? If so, then most probably it is your calling. You will just end up with less money, wasted time and effort if you try to make all your ideas (with different genres) materialize. It would seem that you are only as confused as your many dreams.

Having the SMART attitude. No, it is not about being a topnotcher in school. Take note, not all “school-smart”/honor students have succeeded in their chosen paths. It is highly likely that medals and awards are not the key to succeed but a proper attitude. Unless you would like to brag about your medal for the next 10 or 20 years of your career — I’m still not really sure if that would matter. Most of the people on top of the corporate ladder are regular students with no honors but with a lot of determination and confidence. This is reality.

So for us average people S.M.A.R.T. attitude in starting up your business is, once you have an idea in mind, assessing if it is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely. I learned this from when I was attending an MBA class and I think this is a great tool for us to reach our dreams.

Specific means having a specific goal that mostly answers the six “W” questions — who? what? when? where? which? why? There are thousands of ideas running through our minds every second, one minute you feel that you have the “aha” moment but then later on found out that it is not what you really are passionate to do. So you have to figure out which one will take the throne of your specific goal.

Measurable means establishing a criteria that will help track the progress of getting close to your goal. This usually answers the question, “how?”.

Attainable means developing skills, attitudes or financial abilities in order to attain your goal. We are investing our time, effort and money in order to This process, for me, is where we start to move one step forward. We either attend seminars or classes which is related to the attainment of your goals. Through this experience, we may hear first-hand from successful people on how or what they did in order to be successful. You might also get acquainted to someone who can later on help you on your business and so on.

Realistic means having a goal that you have the ability to work hard to and you are willing to work hard for it.

Timely is simply having a time frame on which you expect the steps in attaining your goal are accomplished. “Someday” is not a time frame.

Allow yourself to experience the hardships. Never rely on the resources of others. Make a move first, it’s your dream anyway — not theirs. No one will do it for you as they are also busy building their own. They also have their struggles and hardships, that making them carry your dreams may give them more burden and occupy a lot of their time (since it is not their dream). Every human being walking on earth have their mission to accomplish. Wouldn’t it be rude giving them yours for them to start while you sit there waiting for it to succeed and get disappointed when things didn’t work out as you expected? When you reach the end of the road, won’t it feel so much better when you look back and be thankful that you have experienced all the wrong turns first-hand? It will be beyond fulfilling, I would guess.

Get along well with others. This is not only applicable with start-up business, this is a day to day moral values for us. We should always respect others and treat others equally. There is no room for judgmental thinking. We do not want negative karma to be knocking on our door asking for payback. Having to get along well with others not only invites positive vibrations but also, who knows these people might be of great help to your business someday. Being nice to people is not that hard. People around you are instruments from heaven to help you achieve your dreams, even the ones who you just happen to chat while waiting for a bus. You may not know it but it is true.

A little bit of luck. Have you heard the famous adage – success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration? Despite our hard work, we also need a dust of luck. But for luck to come by, we should prove that our efforts are sincere and hard work consistent.