A friend asked me today if I already healed after my husband’s death. And that I should not lose hope on love. I know she means well.
Seriously, I appreciate it a lot knowing that a person who experienced the same as mine is the best person to say such things to me.
I lost my husband to death and she (as she described), lost hers for another woman. Well, she is correct in a way, since our relationships both have ended. We both have went through the stages of grief. Which is totally different for each person.
As she narrated her story of how she managed to get out of depression and lucky for her to find another man in her life, I am an admirer. How she is able to speak her life and show compassion to people just like us. I wished her well and thanked her for her story of inspiration. That there is hope after a storm. And that the pain you feel will simply go away.
But what is keeping my mind from her story is that, pain (seriously) for a young widow like me is not the hardest part but instead, the memories.
When you lost the love of your life for another person, the pain cuts through the insides of you. Carefully removing all your sanity. When love is lost, you learn how to describe the deepest meaning of pain. You will keep questioning yourself what went wrong or what did you do wrong. As much as you can, you try your hardest to erase all the memories you had with that person. Ego is your enemy.
Love is equal to pain.
But when death cuts off love, honestly, there is no pain. There is only the continuous sound of deafening silence. It could be what they call sadness. I’m sure it’s not pain. Love has never really forsaken you, it is still there. There is no pain for a husband who never did hurt me with his passing. It is not his fault that he left, in fact he might not want to. He might have made a negotiation with the angel calling him, to let him stick with his wife for a little while. But maybe, that is not how things go in the world of spirits.
Love is equal to sadness.
In death, you don’t have a chance to meet him on a coffee shop or cross path on the streets on your way to work. It means, the small hope to revive the love between you will never happen as you have already laid his lifeless body on his grave. You cannot create more memories in death.
In divorce, your partner is still alive. A chance of meeting him once in your lifetime is possible. The small hope you deny in your heart to revive a love that was lost is actually probable. There is still a chance of filling in your memory bank. The sweetest part is you can still take you revenge if you want to. You can make him regret leaving you for another person. In death you cannot do that anymore.
Death makes you become humble and cherish life.
The difference is there and I do not want to compare that losing love through death is harder than losing love through annulment (or vice versa), these are two different cases, I suppose.